Try Harder!
by Venka le fay
Summary: Events of four-fold trap from Donnie's point of view.


I can feel my heart beating frantically in my chest as yet another burst of electricity passes through my body. How many times has it happened? I've lost count of how many times I've suffered an electric shock ever since I woke up in Karai's death chamber.

I couldn't believe how much of a fool I had been in falling for such an obvious trap. Maybe if I hadn't been so angry at Leo, I probably would have been more open to noticing the more deceptive points of her plan.

* * *

Just scant hours ago, I had been showing my brothers and Sensei the conclusions of what I had felt might be the key to defeating the worm that was lodged in Karai's brain, only for the whole thing to end in… failure, the one thing I can't abide by. After all, I'm the smart one; I'm the one who has to have a solution for everything… it's what expected of me.

Every one of us has been trained in basic triage, but I'm the only one who has studied beyond just basic field medicine. While I'm not likely to perform open heart surgery I am skilled enough to sew up torn muscles and dig out shrapnel and other things that become embedded in our flesh. I'm the one who deals with all the illnesses and catches notice of the ones my prouder brothers such as Leo or Raph are loath to admit to. I'm the one who has to keep the weapons, equipment, and many of the other appliances in the lair in working order. I'm the one who makes sure we have heat in the winter and ways to keep cool in the summer. Leo thinks only he has to carry the family on his shell, but in reality, that burden is mine.

I don't seek appreciation from my brothers, because I know they do appreciate it even when they don't say it. I take pleasure from seeing them all healthy and happy and able to live their lives. Even if it means I have to personally take up the mantle of being the invisible one in the family and seclude myself in my lab instead of watching the latest episode of whatever show has caught our interest.

If I have to deny myself my own needs in order to make sure they are able to live comfortably, then so be it. In the end, everything I do is for them… and always will be. But that is also why I can't fail… failure is not an option for me... it can never be an option.

"You did your best, Donnie," Mikey soothingly stated, "even if it totally sucked." I know he was just trying to be reassuring, but sometimes the way my youngest brother tries to offer comfort can unintentionally come across as a backhanded insult.

"Gahhh!" I snarled as I slammed my fists on the table. I try not to be prone to giving outbursts, but this was one time I felt that one was justified. I had spent so much time, so many nights in my lab only allowing myself to have the barest hours of sleep, hardly allowing myself even a meal break. I had tried to come up with this cure only for it all to result in nothing. Shaking with frustration I sink down into my task chair, looking at the failed remains of my efforts. I can feel a sob wanting to burst from my chest, but I force myself to tamp it down. I've already shown failure to my family, I refuse to show such weakness as well. "It's useless! I'm not even close! I can't do it, this brain worm is impossible!"

Martialling my feelings together I glance up at Master Splinter, the person I've always looked up to as a mentor and father figure. I'm glad his back is to me, I don't think I could bear the look of disappointment in his eyes. I can't even bring myself to look at my brothers with the words I'm about to say. I may not have any actual love for Karai, but I do love my family. Karai was Splinter's lost daughter, and no matter how I may personally feel about her, she was part of my family as well. For everything he's been through, didn't Splinter deserve the right to have his true born daughter returned to him? Didn't _Karai_ have the right to know the man who she had been told countless lies about how he was the cause of her mother's death?

"Sensei, " I said, feeling like the biggest loser on the face of the Earth, "I'm afraid there's nothing I can do." Splinter turns to me, a proud smile crossing his face though it barely masks the grief for what he has lost.

"I know how hard you have tried, Donatello," Splinter says before he sharply looks away and leaves the lab. "Some things are just not meant to be... at least I have four wonderful sons." I understood Splinter's appreciation for this attempt, but his words didn't make me feel any better. My brothers and I weren't his true children, we were a consolation prize. He adopted us as his pets and by circumstance, we became his sons. If events had gone differently we would still be in a glass bowl munching on lettuce while the Kraang ran rampant through the city. All the while his true born child was under the control of a madman who was so twisted in his desire for vengeance that he was blind to how insane he had truly become.

Raph and Mikey begin to leave the lab to go back to whatever they wanted to do. I don't bother looking at Leonardo; of all of us, he was the most determined to have Karai returned. I understood his desire; If April had been the one taken from us, I would have wanted to do all I could to save her, even if it cost me my life.

Leo wanted Karai back not just because we were her family, he wanted her back because he _loved_ her… he _*was*_ in love with her. He may not say it, but I'd seen it in his eyes before we knew she was technically our sister and the way he spoke and acted around her during the brief time she had been our ally before she was recaptured and forced to be nothing more than an obedient puppet of the Shredder.

My oldest brother had asked me… counted on me to find a way to free Karai, and that resulted in nothing. He was the brother I've failed most of all… I didn't expect him to forgive me for it, but I did hope he would find it in his heart to understand that we needed to move on. Perhaps there was still a way we could free Karai, but, for now, we needed to focus on the rest of the city.

Unfortunately, Leo was not one to let things go so easily. Picking up a clipboard where I had been keeping my notes and calculations, I had left the lab. My intent had been to go to my bedroom and go over them. Perhaps there was something I missed; maybe there was an error in some of the formulaic hypotheses. It was the least I could do before I had to shelve any attempts at trying to break Karai free of the worm that was controlling her.

"Donnie, you know how much this will mean to Sensei," Leo stated as he rushed out of the lab after me. I was well aware he was frustrated with my failure, I was also frustrated by it. But as smart as I am, I am not a robot… even I had my limits.

"Leo," I said, my voice already holding a bark of exhaustion on top of the disappointment I felt. Couldn't I have at least an hour to myself, maybe an actual chance to maybe get something to eat and actual rest so I could think properly? Was that so hard to ask for after all I've done? "I'm trying as hard as I can."

"Well… try harder!"

My back stiffened at that remark. I couldn't believe my eldest brother would say such a thing… to me of all people. In my peripheral vision, I could see Raph who had been sitting in the pit, slowly put down the comic book he was reading, his green eyes focused on Leo as if saying ~You seriously did not just say that!~

Mikey also muted the episode of Crognard he had been watching and eyed the two of us with concern. As scatterbrained as he could be sometimes, even he wasn't so brainless to not notice when something was going down. He already knew quite well what had happened the last time Leo and I had clashed. The rational part of my brain told me to drop it and just go about my business, let Raph get on Leo's case, maybe have Mikey somehow knock some sense into our so-called leader's thick skull. But after everything I've done to make this cure… Leo's words were an undeserved slap in the face, and that was something I just could not ignore.

"TRY HARDER!?" I yelled as I round on him and angrily throw my clipboard to the floor. Did he honestly have no clue about how hard I've been working to find a way to cure Karai? Was he so blinded by the need to bring her to where _he_ felt she belonged to realize that he's destroying everything else he held dear? I for one was sick and tired of it and I wasn't going to take it anymore!

"I ALWAYS HAVE TO FIND THE SOLUTION! YOU'RE LEADER, LEO… YOU FIND THE ANSWER! OR WHAT ABOUT RAPH?" I bite back the tears that filled my eyes. I refused to cry, I would not cry in front of my brothers. But to hear such a heartless remark from someone I've loyally looked up to and respected my whole life… that was beyond rude, that was cruelty in itself.

"I'VE GOT THE ANSWER FOR YA," Raph shouted as he stood up, his voice sharing the same anger and frustration that I did. "KARAI'S A LOST CAUSE!"

"Don't say that, dude!" Mikey barked as he got up and smacked Raph's shoulder. Like Leo, Mikey also wanted to see Karai free from the Shredder's control, however, unlike Leo, Mikey's reasons were purely familial.

"That is not my role…" Leo growled at me while Raph and Mikey proceeded to jabber at one another about where the Kunoichi of the Foot Clan truly belonged. Through the unintelligible bickering among the four of us, I heard my T-Phone go off. I knew the only person it could have been was April. Ignoring some statement Leo was making about how I was the smart one and that it was my job to find a way to bring Karai home, I turned to go answer it.

"Hey, April, " I answered as I pressed a finger against one of my ear slits to drown out the sound of Raph and Mikey's continued argument in the background. "Not the best time…"

"Donnie," April said urgently. "I need to talk to you… alone. It's important; I need you to meet me…" In hindsight, this should have been the first red flag. If April had something urgent she would have wanted to talk to the four of us, not me specifically. But at that point, I was too upset to question what I was potentially wandering into.

"SHUTO KANI!" Splinter's firm voice commanded as he stepped out of the dojo and stood before us. "What is the problem here?!" I glowered at Leo before I spoke. As far as I was concerned he could figure out his own cure for Karai if he wanted to free her so badly, maybe then he could see for himself how easy it was to be the smart one of the team. April had something to tell me and that was more important than anything else at the moment. Besides, it gave me a chance to be out of the lair for a while. If I had to spend one moment longer with my brothers I swear I would have gone mad.

"Nothing, Sensei," I say bitterly. The gasp that came from behind me proved that my barb had hit its mark, but it gave me no sense of satisfaction as I started towards where Raph had parked the stealth bike. "I'm heading out, April needs me."

"You're needed here now, Donnie!" Leo stated, his voice holding a command that showed that he was holding his authority over me and he didn't appreciate the fact I was disobeying him. But I continued to disregard him; I was done listening.

"Donnie!" Leo continued to shout my name as he raced after me. Climbing onto the stealth bike I put on my crash helmet and closed the panels shutting my eldest brother out. It was only when I was speeding away from the lair that I finally allowed my tears to fall.

* * *

Racing through the streets I reached the alley that April had told me to go to. Wiping away any traces of the tears I had shed on the way over here I opened up the panels of the stealth bike. I didn't see April immediately so I pulled out my phone to text her so she would know I was there. Perhaps she hadn't arrived yet or she was hiding. Even with the Kraang gone there was still the ever-present threat of the Shredder's goons or his Foot Bots catching one of us in the open. Not to mention the general public… I still shudder remembering that time Joan Grody nearly exposed us on TV and told all of New York that we were a bunch of child-eaters because that was something that would earn ratings.

"Donnie…" I heard April's voice call to me. Looking up, I found it strange she seemed to have materialized from out of nowhere. I didn't question it since she was being trained as a Kunoichi by Splinter; perhaps she had improved on her stealth training.

"The Kraang are back," she informed. As if to prove it April opened up the bay doors she stood in front of as a familiar purplish-pink light glowed from within the building. That felt impossible, we had defeated the Kraang and sent them back to Dimension X and if they had returned then wouldn't my brothers and I have noticed? Still, if they really had somehow returned, this was too serious for me to deal with alone. A pang in my gut was telling me that something was seriously wrong here and that I should run for it while I still could.

"We've got to contact the guys!" I stated as I pointed at my t-phone. If the Kraang were really back, they needed to know. Despite how I felt towards Leo at that moment, this was bigger than a spat amongst brothers, this was something all of us needed to deal with.

"There's no time, " April said, her voice an urgent whisper before she entered the building and ran out of my line of sight. "They're about to get away, we gotta move!" An anxious feeling was telling me this was not how April would act. My instincts were screaming at me to get out of there, but my mind and my heart fought against it. This was April, she knew what she was doing… right?

"April, wait…" I rushed towards the bay doors after her. I turned one moment as though overwhelmed with an anxious feeling that was telling me to leave this place. Logic was telling me to get my brothers on this. My instincts were telling me to get to the stealth bike and get as far away as I could. But my heart didn't want to leave April in danger particularly if this could very well be as she says. If I abandoned her and she got captured or worse, I'd never be able to forgive myself.

Against all reason, I follow her into the building only to cry out in alarm as I see Rocksteady rushing towards me. My t-phone drops out of my hand as the bay door I had just entered is slammed shut by Bebop. My ninja training instantly kicks into gear, in one fluid motion I draw my bo staff and flip out of the way of the oncoming charge; narrowly avoiding being smashed into by the mutant rhino.

Unfortunately, Rahzar was anticipating this as he launched himself at me, claws bared. I rolled out of the way, my eyes darting around the room. Surrounding me were Rahzar, Rocksteady, and Bebop; not the brightest bulbs in the roster of Shredder's hench-mutants, but they were his heavy hitters. Even Raph and Leo found these guys a challenge.

"What you gonna do, Turtle-boy?" Bebop said before he turned to stealth mode. Rahzar and Rocksteady circled me and occasionally feinted towards me. They were trying to distract me so that I would lose track of Bebop's approach.

"Just our luck, we get the weak one," Rahzar growled condescendingly.

"Dah," Rocksteady agreed, "he is the powerless without his brothers to protect him. Even the little, stupid one is more of the challenge."

They were trying to get me to react and make a mistake. I was already aware I wasn't the best or strongest fighter on my team, but I was far from weak. Keeping my bo-staff at the ready, I kept my eyes focused on the two large mutants, but my ears remained open for the sound of anyone approaching me. I am rewarded with a soft "He, he, he," from behind me. Swiftly turning I swing my staff into Bebop's face sending the mutant warthog flying backward, his cloaking device deactivating as he lay prone on the ground. Unfortunately, this also caused a momentary distraction. Rahzar rushed forward, one clawed hand raised into the air and ready to slice me to ribbons. In self-defense, I hold my staff outwards to block the strike, but his claws cleave through the wooden staff like a blade through butter.

The sound of a gun cocking reaches my ears. Before I could register it, I suddenly pitch forward as a rope slings around me tightly pinning my arms to my sides. The force of the projectile bindings sends me toppling to the ground.

"Surrender, little one," I heard the voice of Tiger Claw growl from behind me. I should have known he had been lying in wait. I had been so focused on Rahzar, Rocksteady, and Bebop, I never thought to consider that there was another threat present. A pair of dainty sneakered feet appears in my field of vision before one of them rolls me over onto my shell. I look up into the face of April leering evilly down at me. That is, before she dissolves away leaving me with none other than Karai. In her hands is a microphone-like device, possibly a voice modifier in order to mimic April's voice. Behind her were a couple of Stockman's M.O.U.S.E.R.S., no doubt used to create her holographic disguise. All this time… I had been walking into a trap.

"Your pathetic feelings for O'Neil made it far too easy, Donatello," Karai gloated self-righteously.

"Oh, snap," Bebop laughed, "the turtle actually has a thing for that red-head girl?"

"Dah, I know," Rocksteady snorted. "It's like the beauty and the beast… except without all the dancing teacups."

"I knew you'd come if she called you," Karai continued to gloat. "Too bad that she'll never want to be more than just a friend, but that was always your lot in life wasn't it? No one would ever love a pathetic freak like you."

"Why are you doing this?!" I demand of the girl before me. I knew she was only trying to bait me with her poisonous words, unbalancing a foe was a common Kunoichi tactic. She was wanting to be given the satisfaction of seeing me scream, cry, emotionally deny what she was saying. But I was also aware this wasn't the real Karai, this was the Karai that was being forcibly controlled by the Shredder.

"Oh, no particular reason… at least not where you are concerned." She smirks derisively at me as she waltzes to where I dropped my t-phone. Rocksteady roughly pulls me up so I am propped in a kneeling position on the ground. "I don't particularly care about any of you. The only person I care about is Splinter. I want to see him break as he watches each of you breathe your last. And then I'll end his life."

"Listen to yourself, Karai," I yell to her. "Killing Splinter will give you no satisfaction because this isn't what you want. The Shredder is using a mind worm to force you into believing his delusions; you're nothing more than a living doll to him now." Karai turns to me with an annoyed glare, before giving a sharp, silent nod. Rocksteady and Rahzar lift me up so I'm held in a standing position before she punches me in the gut. I doubled over, painfully coughing as I felt the air getting knocked out of my lungs.

"You lie just like your brother does! " she snarls as she wrenches my head back by my mask tails and holding the retractable claws in her metal handguards dangerously close to my face; making it clear that my existence was in her hands.

"Look into your heart," I wheezed, feeling cheesy that I was essentially quoting Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. "You know it to be true." Her face still bore a mask of annoyance, but then a self-satisfied smirk crossed it as she let go of my mask tails.

"Then I should be the one telling you that you will be assisting in the capture of the rest of your brothers," she said as she held up my t-phone; Michelangelo's number was selected and dialing. She brought the voice modifier up to her mouth as she smugly smirked in my direction. I was going to protest but Tiger Claw forced a rag over my mouth to muffle any sound I made.

"D! What up, dude? Where you been?" Mikey answered enthusiastically. Karai had placed the phone on speaker mode so I could hear my baby brother's voice.

"Hey, Mikey," Karai answered back conversationally. "I want you to meet me at Murakami's. He's made this special pizza gyoza that you've got to try, dude. Now listen, you can't tell the others, he only has a sample for you and me." My eyes widening in horror at the sound of her words coming out as my voice, I tried to scream, yell, warn him somehow, but Tiger Claw's hand prevented me. And what was worse is that the rag had a strong but vaguely sweet smell and the smell was making me drowsy. It quickly dawned on me that they were using chloroform, I tried to struggle but my brain quickly fogged over with the same disorienting numb feeling that one feels when they are about to faint. My vision started to waver as a ringing filled my ears.

"That kind of makes me feel bad… Okay, I'm over it!" I could hear Mikey say though his voice sounded distorted and far away before there was nothing but blackness.

* * *

I don't know how long I was out, but when I opened my eyes I could taste the foul sweetness of the chloroform in my mouth. Due to the disorientation I felt, I didn't register where I was right away, but as the fog cleared from my brain I began to realize that I was strapped down to a chair of some kind. A V.R. helmet had been placed on my head, so all I could see was blackness plus what little I could actually make out of the chamber.

"I see you're awake," Karai gloated through an overhead speaker. "I should probably inform you that your brothers and O'Neil are also my captives."

"What?" I yelled out. As worried as I was for my brothers' safety, I trusted they could handle themselves, wherever they were. But April… Karai had attempted to kill her on more than one occasion. As much as the red-haired girl had progressed in her training, Karai was still a master Kunoichi. If she had April in her clutches things were bad… very, very bad.

"Oh, don't worry, she's here with me," Karai continued to say with an air of a cat that had swallowed a canary. "I haven't done anything to her, at least not yet. I'll still need her to bait out Jones, but I can let her witness the four of you and Splinter meeting your demise. "

"Donnie…" I could hear April cry out with a strain of emotion in her voice.

"Anything you care to say to your turtle 'friend' before you watch him suffer?" Karai sneered cold-heartedly.

"You won't get away with this, Karai," April spat.

"I hope you're comfortable in there, Donatello," Karai responded, though it sounded like she was saying this statement more for April's ears than mine. "Because when your brothers regain consciousness, the fun will begin. And as an added tidbit… should your brothers somehow manage to escape their rooms and make their way to yours. If any of them attempt to cut you free, your trap will react and leave you nothing but a lifeless husk. So either way… I win."

"No! Donnie!" I could hear April cry out. "Don't do this, you heartless bitch!"

"Watch what you say, O'Neil," Karai snarled in response. "I don't require your tongue with what I have in store for you."

"They are your brothers, your family!" April continued to protest.

"Family..." Karai scoffed. "Why would I hold any connection to these mutant freaks? Particularly after what Splinter has done to me."

"Want me to silence her?" Tiger Claw asked.

"Not just yet…" Karai commented. "I may need her to draw out Splinter. And we still have Jones to take care of."

I glanced around the small room trying to find a way out. The VR Helmet was acting as a blinder preventing me from clearly assessing what was around me. All I knew for certain was I was strapped to a chair. The hum behind me clearly told me that this chair was connected to an electrical current, which meant that the reaction the trap had would involve electrical shock. Electrocution was something I was familiar with, but that didn't mean I enjoyed experiencing it.

Normally when I had accidentally electrocuted myself at the lair, it was always a low-voltage shock. These were minor unpleasant experiences, but occasionally Splinter or one of the guys –usually Leo or Raph – would find me unconscious in the lab and would make note of some noticeable burns where I had come into contact with the electrical source. Following that I was kept under observation and bed rest for at least a couple of days just in case I had damage to my brain or my heart.

But this hum sounded like a high-voltage electrical charge which meant the symptoms would be worse. I consulted the mental index of my medical knowledge to figure out what sort of injuries I would get from this. Severe burns were for starters with the worst ones being at the parts of me in contact with the helmet. The chair, being made of metal would also conduct some of the charge so my wrists also were likely to have some burns as well… or at the very least be rubbed raw by my involuntary muscle spasms.

This sort of injury wasn't unusual since we each have had our share of burns in our battles; even Mikey had become rather adept at treating them. Muscle contractions were another symptom of electrical shock; that was certainly something I was familiar with due to previous experiences.

And lastly was cardiac arrest… that one made me pause.

It had been a number of months since we left the farmhouse. But I still remember the days where Leo had been laid out on the brink of death. Every waking moment in those early days frightened me: at any given time his heart could stop and he'd be lost to us forever. I couldn't bear the thought of one of my brothers dying… particularly when it was my fault that they were in this condition, to begin with.

Despite all my medical knowledge and skill, the only thing I could really do was cling to him and the hope that he would awaken and recover. It was only when everyone else was asleep or away... it was only when I knew I was truly alone that I gave in to grief and would tearfully whisper the words, "I'm sorry," over and over again.

And now it seemed that things were repeating themselves… except this time instead of one of my brothers meeting a possible end, it was all three. All because I was foolish enough not to realize I was running straight into a trap. All because I had let my frustrations take me into another argument with Leo, all because… all because I wasn't smart enough to come up with a way to free Karai from the brain worm. A tear slipped loose and left a small wet patch on my mask.

"Greetings, Turtles," Karai said, as coyly as a cat playing with a mouse. "It's time for us to play a game!" My heart sank; that meant my brothers were all awake and their torture sessions were already beginning. "Each of you has been placed inside a room with a unique trap."

"That doesn't seem like your style, Karai," I could hear Raph say bitterly over the audio feed, but also somewhere below me and to my right.

"Oh, we all had input," Karai gloated. "Isn't that right, Xever?"

"I helped design yours personally, Raphael," the oily sound of Fishface's voice hissed. "Everyone loves baked turtle," Raph responded with something I didn't hear directly, but knowing him it was likely something unsavory that didn't bear repeating... ever.

Karai's voice sounded off to my right and was somewhat muffled which meant that she could taunt us individually rather than let everyone else know what was in store for each of us. From how things sounded, Raph was trapped in a room that was gradually becoming hotter and would continue to do so until he found a way to escape or died of heat stroke. I quietly feared the result would be the latter not the former. Still, there was no telling what they had in store for Mikey, but if my hunch was correct, Leo's trap would have to deal with swords or blades in some way, and mine would have to be a mind puzzle of some kind. Did I ever tell anyone I hate being correct sometimes?

"Hello, Leonardo," Karai tauntingly said. Like Raph's chamber, I could hear her voice coming from my right, but closer to me, next door close. From what I was able to make out of the trap, Leo was in a chamber facing numerous katana blades that were descending from the ceiling. I could hear the sound of their tips scraping along the concrete blocks separating me from my eldest brother. In vain I once again struggled against my restraints; I had to get out of there. I had to get to my family. The VR visor suddenly flickered to life.

"Donatello…" I let out a yelp as I realized that Karai was about to tell me about what trap she'd laid out for me. All I knew for sure about it was that it involved high-voltage electricity and that it would react if any of my brothers tried to free me from it. "Are you smart enough to beat the 'Brain Boggler'?" I was standing on a square field filled with various block-like tiles, each of them colored, red, blue, purple, and yellow. If I wasn't fighting for my life I might have appreciated the blocks holding the same color scheme of the masks my brothers and I wore with yellow in place of orange… emphasis on "might". The field itself was six blocks across on each side and no idea how many levels it descended. I could recognize the puzzle game instantly, or at least the inspiration for it.

"Connect the pieces as they appear on the game grid," Karai instructed. A blue and yellow block appeared over my head, I dodged out of the way of the blue block which landed on a red one. I landed on a yellow block but quickly rolled out of the way as a yellow block momentarily landed on it. In response, the two yellow blocks disappeared. I, unfortunately, wasn't able to breathe for very long because almost instantaneously a purple block landed on me.

"Make a mistake, and you get zapped," Karai informed as this happened. I let out a scream as an arc of electricity surged throughout my body. It was over in five seconds, but I could still feel the after-effects as I slumped forward. My whole body shook and spasmed as I tried to recover. My heart fluttered in my chest as though it was trying to escape. There was only a small reprieve as the game reset for me, but also so Karai could add in one last remark. "Get zapped enough times, and you'll truly know what it's like to be brain-fried."

"Congratulations, Karai," I mutter under my breath as the puzzle restarted. "You've come up with the world's most lethal game of Tetris. " Promptly after saying this remark, I was electrocuted again which caused me to miss out on listening in on what would happen to Mikey.

Once again I was returned to the game. More colored blocks appeared above me; I didn't register what colors they were as I dodged out of their way, I just knew that I couldn't let them fall on me. Unfortunately, I didn't look where I was going and fell down a hole in the field where a blue block had connected before I was promptly crushed by a yellow block.

I let out a scream of pain as another surge of electricity coursed through my body. I didn't know how long I could endure this… a normal human would have likely been dead by now or certainly be having heart palpitations. My cardiovascular system was different, but by how much I wasn't sure.

"DONNIE!" I heard Leo call out. Hearing my eldest brother's voice had to be the best thing I've heard all day. He held no resentment as he called out my name, it was general concern. It was concern for all of us; desperation to get each of us.

"Leo!" I called out. "I can hear you through the vents… I'm in some kind of trap." Mentally I kicked myself; they already knew I was in some kind of trap, each of us was in some kind of trap. It had to have been brain damage from all the electric shocks I've taken.

"Dudes," Mikey cried out, "I'm on my back, I don't know where anyone is!"

"We've got to help each other… work together!" Leo shouted encouragingly.

I couldn't hear what Raph was saying, but it sounded like he was beginning to succumb to heat exhaustion. I could vaguely hear the blades that were descending towards Leo sound even lower now, dangerously lower.

"We could use some serious sciency-stuff, Donnie!" Leo shouted. I could hear the desperation in his voice, but there was also a confidence as well. One that said that if any of us could figure a way out, he knew I could do it. I wanted to shout back that I'm trying to figure things out the best I can, but I held my tongue.

"Okay, think… I've got to focus…" I coached myself as I dodged out of the path of more blocks. "If I make another mistake, I'm going to be zapped again."

I let out another scream as electricity surged through my body… was it my imagination or was this one worse than the others had been? I could have sworn this one hurt more than they had previously. Mikey screamed something that I couldn't make out as I tried to clear my head enough to focus. I had to find a way, for all of us. They were counting on me to find some way that could save us… somehow we had to break free.

I was zapped as I made another mistake. Yep, it definitely felt like the electrocutions were getting worse every time they happened. I could hear the blades of Leo's trap closer to the floor which meant that he also was losing ground in his… and Mikey was sounding desperate as well. Then it dawned on me, if the traps everyone else was facing are at the critical stage, then my trap must have been increasing the voltage so I would be at the same level as theirs.

"Guys, listen up," I shout as I found myself being reset into the "Brain-Boggler" yet again. I didn't care if I was zapped in the process, I needed to relay this to Leo... to any of them. It could be our only hope. "There's a good chance all the electrical and mechanical circuits of these traps are tied to each other!"

"Got it!" I could hear Leo shout before there was a crushing grinding noise. I couldn't focus on it what was happening as I was too focused on trying to prevent myself from being zapped any more times. Unfortunately, in addition to the voltage going up, the blocks were appearing and descending at greater speeds.

I had ceased trying to connect the blocks on the grid… the puzzle was giving me little room to process what blocks connected to where. The only thing I could do was try to avoid getting zapped any further. I could feel my body starting to weaken and my breaths were starting to sound labored, a sure sign that I also was starting to succumb to the torture I was undergoing.

Racing about the grid I tried to keep from being crushed by another block. To my dismay, a blue block landed directly in my path. A yellow and purple block fenced me in as they landed, blocking any possible routes I could have taken. The only opening I had was the black open void surrounding the game grid, but I knew taking this route would be the same as making a mistake. I had fallen off the game grid at one point while I had been trying to avoid getting crushed by another block and was painfully shocked yet again. Knowing I had nowhere I could escape to in time, I reluctantly resigned myself to inevitably being crushed by a red block.

This was the most painful one I had experienced yet, which meant my brothers were dead and the only thing left to do was finish me off… or...

I could hear the floor in front of me cracking open, at first I thought it was wishful thinking until I could see the forms of my brothers appear in front of me. Each of them looked blurry which was a sign my vision like the rest of me was failing as I found myself being installed into another round of the "Brain-Boggler".

"D… Donnie…" Mikey whimpered when he climbed out of the hole in the floor and saw me.

"Oh man, he doesn't look good," Raph commented worriedly.

Leo stood before me with a sword blade in his hands. "I'll cut you loose!" he said as he readied himself to cleave through the multiple wires connecting the helmet. Through all the fog of weakness that I was feeling I remembered Karai taunting me about something about my trap… now, what was it?

… _should your brothers somehow manage to escape their rooms and make their way to yours. If any of them attempt to cut you free, your trap will react and leave you nothing but a lifeless husk. So either way… I win."_

"No!" I shouted mustering up what energy I had left. "This helmet is totally wired, if you try to free me, you'll fry me!"

I screamed in pain once again as I felt electricity surge through my body. This was absolutely the worst one yet, the computers connected to these traps had to have calculated that my brothers had met their end and I was just the final peg to be knocked down. I didn't want to die, but I was giving up… my body was too weak to take this anymore; they were better off just leaving me behind.

Leo gasped in horror at what was happening before him as he slowly backed away to avoid getting shocked as well. I could vaguely make out a look of helpless desperation that crossed his face… there was no trace of the anger that had been between us earlier. He wanted to save me, save me as his brother, his team member…. his confidant… his friend. As the surge ceased I heard each breath I took come out as a broken whimper. Why were they just standing there? Couldn't they see I was done for…? There was little point in saving me. Leo should take our brothers and escape, just leave me behind. If I was electrocuted again I knew that it would be my last… I didn't want them to witness this.

Mikey soothingly said something to me, but his voice sounded so distorted I couldn't understand what he was saying as I felt my consciousness beginning to fade.

In the game I was sprawled out in a corner of the grid, I cried out in fear at the red cube that descended towards me. This was it; this was how I would end. Once it hit me, I would not survive. Suddenly a large green, three-fingered fist punched the block out of the air and far from me. Standing before the game grid was Mikey, a giant version of him.

"Mikey…" I gasped. The giant Mikey laughed proudly at me. As I gazed up at him I could feel a flurry of emotion run through my very being. I didn't know which one was the most prominent, but then my heart clenched. If Mikey was interfering with the trap, did that mean he was being electrocuted instead of me? I didn't want my only little brother to hurt himself for my sake. Before I could protest however I felt the helmet begin to loosen before it was finally and thankfully yanked from my scalp. Mikey stood before me, triumphantly holding it aloft, his shell slightly smoldering as smoke rose from it. Aside from being still shackled to the chair, I was finally free. I looked up and smiled at him appreciatively,

"Mikey… You're awesome!" I managed to choke out as I struggled to settle my heartbeat.

"Yeah…" Mikey said tiredly, "I was born with a naturally rare awesomeness," before he promptly fainted onto his back. I winced as he passed out; gazing down at him in concern I tried to visually assess any sort of trauma that might a resulted from pulling the helmet from my scalp. Outwardly he looked fine, but I wouldn't be able to tell for sure until Splinter and I did an assessment of all my brothers when we got back to the lair. At worst his fingers looked seriously burned, but those would quickly heal.

Raphael eased himself down to the floor. He looked exhausted, weak, and was more than likely dehydrated from being in his trap. He first grabbed the VR helmet Mikey still had in his hands and lobbed it as far away across the room as he could, which incidentally wasn't very far as the room had the spatial distance of an elevator shaft. The helmet just bounced off the wall before clattering to the floor next to him. He didn't seem to notice or care as he gently cradled Mikey in his arms.

"You did good, little brother," Raph whispered softly as he gazed down at the happily unconscious turtle. I hadn't noticed that Leo had taken the opportunity to step closer to me until I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Hold still, D," he said before he used the sword blade to pry open the shackles binding my wrists to the chair. Once the shackles were opened I heard a clang as Leo dropped the blade he was holding before he gently but firmly grabbed hold of my shoulders and scooped me upwards towards him in a fierce embrace.

I felt my body stiffen at the unexpected action; Mikey was the hugger of the family. Leo usually didn't offer such displays of brotherly affection unless he felt it was needed. I didn't know why this was needed until I realized it, Leo was doing this as an apology. As my body gradually began to relax, I cautiously brought one hand up and rested it on his shoulder.

"Okay, you two," Raph said from where he knelt on the floor, "hug time's over!" Mikey was already beginning to regain consciousness in his arms and smiled up at the two of us as his eyes opened.

"Right," Leo said as he shifted his body so that he was supporting my weight instead. "We still need to get to April, and stop Karai!"

"That's the best thing I've heard from you all day!" Raph said as he and Mikey eased themselves off the floor. Mikey picked up the blade that Leo had dropped and handed it back to him.

"I don't know how you even stand it, Donnie," Mikey sympathetically whispered as we began to make our way out of this torture cell. "Getting shocked like that was the worst."

"It's not easy," I commented back.

* * *

We arrived at a platform overlooking the battle between Karai and Splinter. The Foot Kunoichi was in her mutant snake form which did give her some advantage over Sensei. But her actions weren't controlled: she was blinded by the anger and hate the brain worm was instilling in her.

"We need to help him!" Raph harshly whispered.

"No," Leo barked back, "let Sensei handle this!" As we watched Karai was sent sprawling against the side of the platform

"Miwa," Splinter said trying to reach girl he had once known. Karai reacted by screaming at him animalistically and dove into the water so that she could make a surprise attack. In response Splinter closed his eyes and centered his breathing before performing some hand gestures.

"He's performing the healing hands," Leo explained, a gleam of hope filling his eyes. "Splinter's going to use the mantras on Karai." We all remembered Leo using the healing mantra months ago, back when Karai had poisoned each of us with her venom. I wasn't spiritually adept like my father and older brother were, but even I had been amazed by how effective the healing mantras had been. Perhaps, this had been the key all along, as Splinter did occasionally say: "Faith should not be overlooked regardless of how it compares to fact."

With a feral screech, Karai leaped out of the water preparing to deal Splinter a fatal bite. But the wise rat sensed her and immediately avoided the strike and landed three blows to pressure points that would temporarily immobilize her. Karai slumped forward in a way that made it look as though she was bowing to Splinter. Knowing his opportunity was short, Sensei reared back for the final blow.

"I love you, Miwa," he whispered before lunging forward and striking two fingers on the crown of her skull. In response, Karai broke free of her paralysis and coiled her body around Splinter. He gasped in pain as he felt his body being crushed. Karai hissed and struck out as though she was about to rip out his throat when suddenly she stopped.

Arching her back with a hiss Karai wrapped her arms around her stomach like she was in pain internally. Her coils releasing Splinter and letting him fall to the floor of the platform.

"No!" I heard Leo gasp in horror as the writhing snake mutant fell back against the side of the platform before losing her balance and falling towards the rapidly draining sewage below. Sensei scrambled forward and grabbed hold of her arm, the two of them precariously hanging over the brackish water. Sensei struggled to hold on to her, to pull them both to the safety of the platform. Unfortunately, the platform shifted unexpectedly; losing his hold she fell and vanished down the drain below.

"Karai!" Leo cried out. Raph and I immediately grabbed his shoulders to prevent him from jumping in after her. Below us Sensei also cried out his daughter's name in anguish and made a motion as though he was going to jump it the water to retrieve her. April, fortunately, had leapt forward stopping him by grabbing hold of his body before we lost him as well.

"Your victory has come at a price, Yoshi-san!" Tiger Claw snarled triumphantly as he used his jetpack to hover over the two of them, a laser gun pointed at Splinter and April and ready to fire like the coward he was.

Leo snarled with rage as his hand clenched the sword blade he still carried. He was angry over everything we had been through that day, livid over what we had lost, and incensed that Tiger Claw was going to kill Sensei and April when they no longer had the strength or the drive to fight back. With rage he threw the blade at Tiger Claw, the sword striking the firearm and sinking into it, rendering it useless. The mutant tiger roared angrily as we joined our father and companion.

"Sensei!" Raph called out.

"April!" I yelled as well as we descended to where our companions were. Tiger Claw was a strong fighter, but even he couldn't take all of us out by himself. Instead, he laughed as he took off leaving us to our bitter victory. We had won, we were all alive, but we had still lost. Who knew if Karai had been able to survive being flushed down that sewer drain or if she would be able to escape it if she had survived? There were too many "what ifs" to count and we didn't have the time to focus on "what ifs".

"I trust that you are all unharmed?" Splinter asked without looking at us, though his voice was heavy with grief.

"Sensei," I said, concerned.

"What happened?" Leo finished the question I had been asking. It was almost eerie how Leo and I would habitually complete each other's sentences at times. But maybe that was one of the ways we understood one another.

"She forced me into combat," Splinter explained. We all lowered our heads in sorrow at the tone of finality in his voice. "But the healing hands I used on her were meant to help her… not harm her. I fear we will never see Miwa again." I glanced at April while we all registered what this loss meant.

April's eyes were downcast and saddened by the loss as well. If things had been different, there was so much that April could have learned from Karai as a fellow Kunoichi. Even Splinter knew there were some aspects of that training that could only be passed between women. And I feel, deep down, April must have really wanted a friend. Not just another human she can freely talk to about the four of us, but rather another female she could relate to and commiserate with.

My eyes slowly turned towards Leonardo's back; it almost didn't feel fair. The girl I loved was still alive and standing here with us. But the girl he wanted, the girl he had fought even against his own brothers for—she was lost and left in the realm of the unknown. I couldn't begin to imagine how this must be hurting him. Somberly he raised his head and approached our Sensei, our father.

"Never give up hope," Leo stated as he placed a comforting hand on Splinter's shoulder. "That was the greatest lesson you ever taught me as a kid, Sensei." Splinter turned and looked up at him before his eyes traveled to the rest of us. He may not have his true daughter, but he still had the rest of us… his family… his adopted sons and honorary daughter. We smiled at him reassuringly knowing that with our help perhaps there was a chance Karai could be found and able to be brought back to where she truly belonged... with us. The elder rat smiled back appreciatively as he stood and turned to us.

"Come, let us return home!" Splinter said as he placed a proud hand on his eldest son's shoulder.

* * *

When we returned home, both Splinter and I at once set to work tending to my brothers' injuries. Raph, I had given a large glass of orange juice and told him he had to drink two quarts worth of fluids over the next two to four hours. He rolled his eyes but didn't argue with me.

Leo had opted to take a cold shower to help relieve any dehydration he was suffering from. While he hadn't been in that heat-chamber as long as Raph had, the intensity of would still have had a negative effect on his health. But, aside from some minor cuts and scrapes, he was basically unharmed.

Mikey's injuries were thankfully minor, though Splinter had cautioned that he would need bed rest for the next couple of days to be certain that he didn't have any residual effects from being electrocuted by "a bazillion volts" as Mikey had put it. It was likely the more accurate number was 50,000 maybe 100,000 volts of electricity, but the number of volts didn't really matter since it still could have had disastrous results. At this time, Mikey just had a number of serious burns on his hands from where he had pulled that helmet from my head. Splinter calmly tended to his injuries before telling him to go get some bed rest so he could recover before he summoned Leo to the dojo. Apparently, Sensei also required a rundown on everything that had happened since our argument earlier this evening.

I didn't need to take instruction from Splinter about my injuries. He had looked me over with some concern. Given how many times I had been zapped and to what extent I was actually surprised that he didn't insist I sit down so he could give me a thorough examination. Aside from the burns I knew were there, there was also a probability of some internal damage that needed tending too. I had noted some involuntary muscle tremors, which were a side-effect of being shocked. These would probably continue for the next couple of days at least until my body recovered. Perhaps Splinter deduced the burns only looked worse than they actually were, though I believed I had caught a knowing glint in his eyes, so he could have something planned.

Stepping briefly into my lab I straightened up some of my equipment and papers, shut down my computers, made sure that everything was ready for when I could return to it. As devoted as I am to this lab, and I will admit to being a workaholic. I wasn't so obsessed with my experiments to ignore that I was in no condition to be working there. At worst I would likely use the downtime to go over some of the notes and observances I had taken on some experiments I had to put aside for more urgent tasks.

I glanced up when I heard footsteps enter the lab doors. I didn't turn and acknowledge who it was, however. I had long since become accustomed to recognizing my family members, not just by how they talked or laughed. There were ways they moved and certain mannerisms that were so unique to each of them, that I would never forget as long as I lived.

"Donnie…" Mikey asked me from the doorway. His voice contained an unusual tone of worry. "Are you and Leo still fighting?" I turned to him at this question because honestly I truly didn't know. I wanted to believe things were resolved, but that wasn't always possible. We didn't even have any sort of resolution towards our argument during the second Kraang invasion. There never seemed to be any sort of opportunity to actually have a heart to heart about the subject. And the times that were possible, I kept waiting for Leo to broach the subject, but he never did. I knew for sure he hadn't forgotten about that. The way he put his foot down when I had protested about April and Casey being placed together when we were sent out to look for Raph had been proof enough.

"No, Mikey," I said reassuringly to my younger brother. "We aren't fighting… he and I just had a heated disagreement."

"That's good," Mikey stated an uncharacteristic seriousness in his words. "I hate it when you two fight. It doesn't make me feel good. It makes me feel… it makes me feel like this family is falling apart."

That caught me off guard; squabbles and arguments were common in even the closest of sibling relationships. I would have thought that would have been something that we were all used to. I honestly didn't know what to say in response.

"I… I don't like fighting with Leo either," I said as I approached my childish brother who immediately rushed against me in a fierce hug. I felt a muscle tremor pass through my body as this happened. Mikey didn't question it, he only held me tighter; perhaps he thought I was beginning to have an emotional breakdown myself. "I don't like it when any of us fight. But that's why you are important; you're the glue that keeps the four of us grounded." Mikey let out a mirthful laugh as he shook his head in response.

"No, dude, that's your job," Mikey said looking up at me with a knowing smile as he wiped tears away from his eyes. "You're the glue of the family, D. You're the one who keeps us together. If you weren't around Raph and Leo would have killed each other long ago. That's why your mask is purple, dude because you're a blend of both of them. And if we lost you, I honestly don't know how this family would survive."

I didn't know how to take Mikey's remark. I couldn't be that important, could I? …but then again, Karai's statement when she was telling me my trap would end me…

 _If any of them attempt to cut you free, your trap will react and leave you nothing but a lifeless husk. So either way… I win."_

I shook my head at this… there was no point in dwelling on it now.

"You need to get some rest," I said encouragingly as I turned my brother towards the dorm rooms. "We've been through a lot today."

"Okay," Mikey said as he started to walk away. "Oh, and D… Leo's in your room waiting for you."

The last I had seen of my eldest brother he had gone to the dojo to talk to Splinter; what could he possibly want to see me about? I honestly didn't know if I could deal with my older brother right now given what happened when I had left earlier. While he had sort of apologized to me when he freed me from the trap and I had forgiven him, that didn't mean I had forgotten the heartless words that had flown out of his mouth.

* * *

Once I felt my lab had been straightened up enough I grabbed a few of my notebooks and journals and started towards my room. I didn't hear anything coming from the room next to mine which meant that Raph was resting. Mikey's room was directly across from mine; I could hear him peacefully snore while he burbled on about pizza. I couldn't help smirking in amusement about how obsessed he was about the Italian dish.

Opening the door to mine, however, as Mikey had informed Leo was waiting for me. He was seated at the small desk in the corner of the room. In front of him was the clipboard I had thrown to the floor after he had told me to "try harder" on finding a way to cure Karai. His back was to me as he quietly he paged through all the notes I had taken on the brain worm, and all the theories, facts, figures, hypotheses, and experimentations. His blue eyes scanned each page as though trying to assess what I had tried though it was clear much of it was Greek to him.

Finishing his study of my notes he placed it with the journals and other papers I had taken that rested on a corner of the desk. He still didn't turn to acknowledge me as he placed his elbows on the desk, threading his fingers together he rested his forehead against them.

"I'm… I'm sorry, D," he said. His words were hardly more than a whisper, I wasn't even sure I heard him.

"What?" I asked.

"I'm sorry about what I said earlier…" Leo stated somewhat louder, a palpable sincerity rested in his tone. "I should never have... what I had said to you was rude and inconsiderate and I really wish I could take it back. Maybe then none of this would have happened."

"We both let our frustrations control us," I said with a shrug. I felt a spasm of tremors pass through my body, but I didn't let on about it. Not because I felt there was some lecture involved, it was more that Leo did have a habit of caring too much, particularly when he felt it could affect the team. "I had failed to find a cure, and you were upset because I had failed."

"That's just it," Leo said as he turned to me finally. "You had done everything you could think of... a lot more than I even gave you credit for. You already do so much for this family that we forget that you're really the only one of us who does… well, all this." He gestured to the stack of journals on the desk.

"I've already forgiven you for it," I said as I put the stack of journals I still held down onto my bookcase before I sat down on the bed. I could feel another muscle tremor pass through my frame as I did so. Hugging my arms around myself I attempted to hide it. I was ready for him to leave the room so I could get some sleep.

"Are you alright?" Leo asked with concern.

"I think so," I said after some thought. "Mostly just tired after everything that's happened." Absently I brought the heel of one hand up to rub at one of my eyes trying to give him even more of a hint that I just wanted to go to bed. My brother suddenly grabbed hold of my forearm; turning on the gooseneck lamp on the desk he pulled my arm forward he began undoing the bindings around my wrists. For the first time, I noticed that the tan fabric seemed to be marred with rust-colored stains. Leo in took a hissing breath as he began to examine the abrasions around my wrists. There was a dark band of discolored flesh where they had been rubbed raw by the restraints. The bindings around my wrists had prevented the damage from being worse than they were but the results were still pretty bad. There were also several puckered areas around the abrasions where blisters had formed. A number of the blisters had popped and the damaged skin was torn where it had fused to the fabric of my bindings, leaving them more as bloody welts than bubbles of skin. This is when I noticed the bowl of water sitting on the desk close to him, as well as a jar of ointment I'd seen Splinter use on the burns Mikey received. Splinter likely would have noticed the blood by smell, but never said anything aside from likely needing to rest a few days. Maybe he intended for Leo to help tend to my injuries just so we would have a chance to resolve our earlier issues.

Reaching into the bowl, Leo pulled out a rag; wringing it out he wrapped it around my wrist forming a cool compress. Taking hold of my other arm he undid the bindings and wrapped my wrist in a second cool compress. It quickly seemed to dawn on him that any injuries I had were not limited to just my wrists. The chamber we had been in had been too dark to really assess any other injuries I may have had and we had been too focused on getting to April and Splinter to have the time.

"Do you have another light in here?" Leo asked realizing the goose-necked lamp alone wasn't enough.

"There's a switch over there," I said as I indicated the wall. Immediately Leo got up and flipped on the overhead light before I heard a horrified gasp.

"Oh man, Donnie…" he said as he approached the bed. Sitting next to me he traced his fingers along my scalp which stung painfully.

"How bad is it?" I winced as he continued to prod along my scalp.

"It looks like your head is trying to turn into one of Mikey's pizza concoctions," Leo commented in a way that sounded like he felt sick to his stomach. "A number of these burn blisters look like they grew and ruptured several times over when you were being electrocuted. Most of them are oozing sores."

My brother got up and left the room, but came back with a clean cloth and several gauze bandages. Soaking the washcloth in the bowl of water he wrung it out and, telling me to lay down on my plastron, he lightly dabbed at the oozing blisters that pockmarked my scalp.

Grabbing the ointment jar he gingerly slathered the healing cream onto the injuries to prevent infection. I hissed as my wounds seared and itched as the ointment entered them. I could feel another muscle contraction pass through my body as this happened. Leo's hand remained on my shoulder as this tremor passed, but said nothing in response. At least not yet; I seriously hoped he was just assuming that it was just my body reacting to the burn ointment. He continued to say nothing as he helped wrap some of the gauzy material around my wrists and my burnt scalp.

Getting up and leaving the room once more, he came back with a cup of water and some painkillers. I obediently sat up and immediately swallowed the small white pills, following them with a couple of gulps of water.

"Thank you, Leo," I stated appreciatively. Suddenly I felt another tremor cause my muscles to contract, the cup in my hand shaking as though it was going through a personal earthquake. Leo's eyes widened in concern as he watched the cup beginning to shake uncontrollably; bringing up one hand he grabbed hold of the cup to steady it or prevent me from dropping it. When the tremor passed he took the cup from me and set it on the desk. Scooting the chair closer to my bed he firmly grabbed hold of my shoulders.

"Answer me honestly, Donatello," Leo growled, "are these shaking spells a result of the trap you were being put through?" The growl in his voice was not towards me, however. It was towards the Foot Clan and anyone who would dare to cause harm to his family and loved ones. But the use of my full name was clearly an indication that he demanded a straight answer.

"Yes…" I admitted. The fingers around my shoulders tightened in response before they moved upward, gently taking hold of my face. Leo leaned forward pressing his forehead against mine and nuzzling against me, a way we showed brotherly affection when we were distressed.

"I'm sorry…" I could hear him say remorsefully.

"It's… it's not that bad," I responded, trying to make light of it. He took hold of my shoulders again as another tremor passed, wanting so much to take the experience upon himself rather than let me suffer from them. "They don't hurt, and they should be gone in a few days."

"D," Leo responded, "do you know how close we came to losing you today?"

"I was in no worse danger than the three of you were," I shrugged.

"Perhaps…" Leo said as he sat back in the chair. He turned his eyes towards the floor, a thoughtful look crossing his face as though his mind looked like it was also trying to put together something that hadn't quite connected. "But the traps Raph and I were in were designed so that we had a chance to find our way out, a very slim chance, but still a chance. The trap Mikey was in, it wasn't designed to kill him...but mutate him, so he'd still be alive but he wouldn't be the Mikey we know anymore. Yours on the other hand… yours had no actual chance to escape… it was like… it was like Karai had intended on eliminating you, to begin with. It's like there is something about you that scares her or makes her see you as a threat. That's why your trap was designed specifically as something you would fight against, but ultimately end up failing. "

 _"…if we lost you, I don't honestly know how this family would survive."_

 _"So either way… I win."_

"Maybe..." I said. "It is possible that she wanted to have a fail-safe in case the traps didn't succeed as planned. This way she could punish you for defeating her when she poisoned us. Or maybe you and Splinter weren't the only people she wanted to hurt. You remember back when April had said she never wanted to see any of us again, and then I ditched everyone when she told me that she was in danger. Despite the vast difference in their skill levels, April has bested Karai at least a few times."

"And since the Shredder has forced her to believe his insane delusions that Sensei killed Tang Shen," Leo pointed out as he speculated over my theory. "Perhaps Karai saw you and April as a loving pair among us and sees that as a proverbial 'Eye for an Eye.

I didn't respond because that was more than likely the truth. But admitting to this meant my feelings for April were just as much of a danger as they were welcomed. With Leo's feelings towards Karai, the rest of us had our problems with it because we knew she was our enemy; she wasn't someone we knew we could trust. Yet, Leo had seen something in her that we couldn't, something that suggested she had the possibility of being good. Unfortunately, the risk she posed to our family was too great to follow our leader's judgment alone, particularly with how mentally and emotionally unstable she had become.

But with April, I never truly knew where my standing with her actually was. There were sometimes that I believed in the possibility of us maybe being more than just friends. But other times it seemed as though her heart belonged to Casey. I didn't like the possibility of losing her to Casey, but I couldn't destroy myself and everything I held dear by chasing after something I probably never truly had to begin with. To do so would make me no better than the Shredder himself.

Gradually I began to feel the effect the painkillers Leo had given me come over me like a wool blanket. Pulling back the covers on my own bed, I settled in for the night so I could finally get the rest I had denied myself for so long. The tremors still racked my body, causing me to shudder as though I was shivering with cold; in response, my eldest brother pulled the comforter that was folded at the end of my bed over me and tucked it in around me.

Picking up the bowl of water and the first-aid supplies, he turned off the overhead light as he left. I sighed softly to myself as I began to settle into sleep. But no matter how drowsy I was, I just couldn't reach the peaceful drifting senselessness that I desired. Every time I closed my eyes I felt vulnerable and exposed and if I didn't remain alert I knew I would be lost forever.

… _if we lost you, I honestly don't know how this family would survive,_ Mikey's words filled my head once more.

 _it was like… it was like Karai had intended on eliminating you, to begin with. It's like there is something about you that scares her or makes her see you as a threat_

 _You're the glue of the family, D. You're the one who keeps us together. If you weren't around Raph and Leo would have killed each other long ago._

I still didn't know what to make of all this. I couldn't possibly be that important to this team. I mean, yes, I did feel that my family's health and safety was my burden to bear, and every machine needed a central cog to keep everything running, but compared to my brothers I wasn't really that remarkable. Even the Shredder and his hench mutants were quick to brush me off as the weakest one of our team. I wasn't as skilled as Leo, I wasn't as strong as Raph, or as creative as Mikey… I was just the smart one.

I could still feel the strain Leo had left on the team while he had been in his coma. The feeling of betrayal when Raph was subjected to that brain worm like Karai had. Even the feeling that all hope was lost when we were desperately searching for Mikey in Dimension X, and the void of absence when Sensei was supposedly killed or when April left us. As if sensing my unconscious distress I heard the door creak open slightly. Footsteps quietly approached before I felt a slight dip in the mattress as a weight settled down next to me.

"Donnie," I heard Leo's voice say from where he sat on the mattress beside me, "are you asleep?"

"No…" I said my voice slightly slurred with tiredness.

"Would you like me to stay with you?" Leo asked cautiously. "At least until...?" I didn't answer in words, instead, I reached one hand out and lightly clasped his appreciatively. I could hear a half-remembered song being hummed as Leo gently ran a hand up and down my shell in slow, comforting circles. As I drifted into the first peaceful sleep I've had in what felt like ages I smiled softly. As much as my eldest brother may irritate me sometimes, he was still one of three brothers I would never give up for anything in the world. And my family was something I would do anything within my power to protect.


End file.
